It was an unknown unknown

Yo', I obviously ain't here, motherfucker, so say whatever you was gonna tell me after the beep.

That is it! Enough is enough! I've had it with these motherfuckin' birds and motherfuckin' pigs in this motherfuckin' City!

I wrote down "eggs" on the shoppin' list, after eatin' the last two for breakfast. Would've bought some the other day, 'cept the fuckin' curse made me forget. Least I did't forget where I packed my heat. That would'a sucked big time.

I thought 'bout goin' out and buyin' a new coat, since winter's almost here and it gonna get fuckin' freezin' soon.

It was 'bout this time that I got to cleanin' my guns and making sure my switchblade still worked. Had one get stuck one time, nearly cut my finger off tryin' to get it out.

[Rummy comes out of his bathroom, looking like hell. He also looks like he had to wash his face off just now and isn't wearing his glasses.]

I ain't cleanin' that up.

[/end video]

Eveythin's back to the way it was, and I got my arm outta that fuckin' cast. [He raises his formerly-broken arm and wags his fingers.] Still iches sometimes, though.

After all this, I ain't never gonna be able to watch a black and white film again for a long time.

[The video opens to a woman with blonde cornrows, wearing Rummy's one-size too large clothes.]

This ain't fuckin' funny, City, y'all hear me? Don't get me wrong, I like tits, but not when they on me.

[She looks to the side at a mirror, and the cleavage that's clearly visible thanks to how deep the tank top's neck is. Suddenly her tone gets a bit more pleased and mischievous.]

...Then again, it could have its up side.

[She turns the video off.]

[OOC: Rummy has been turned into a woman. She also probably sounds like a black woman, since Rummy is voiced by a black actor.]

Man, I just realized that's it's almost been a fuckin' year since I got here. It's fuckin' rediculous. I need a beer.

[Still holding the device, he goes to the kitchen and opens his fridge. As he grabs a beer, his hand seems to spark and he pulls back.]

Fuckin' static.

[He grabs the beer again and puts down the device to open it. He takes a sip, then makes a weird face.]

Why's this beer taste like Mountain Dew?

[OOC: Rummy has the lame powers curse. His power is the ability to change beverages into other beverages.]

[Rummy's device is propped up in the perfect spot where one can see him with a very large, infalated balloon.]

A'right, y'all, prepare to have yo' minds blown.

[He stretches the balloon's opening and sticks his head in, and before long he's got his whole upper body inside it. Then it begins to deflate. One might be able to hear a grumpy "oh shit" as it deflates around him.]

This 's gonna be tricky to get out of.

[Video cut off on its own.]

[OOC: He's mimicking this video. He may or may not have seen it before.]

[The video opens to Rummy sitting as high as he can in a very tall tree. Some of his cornrows are coming undone, his suit is dirty and his coat is slightly torn near the bottom.]

Look, I really fuckin' hate to do this but... I'm really, really in a tight spot here. I tried to go for the egg, and the motherfuckin' lizards jumped out at me! Managed to shoot a few of 'em dead, but, well, look!

[He points the device down so the audience can see the oviraptors at the bottom, circling the tree. An AK-47 is down there as well.]

I had to drop my weapon just to get up here. Look, it been almost two hours and they ain't givin' up, and Imma 'bout to starve or dehyrdate up here! I need help!

[Video ends.]